As a churchman I used to think I had God living in front of the faithful by means of  the creed, the prayers and troparions, the right signs of the cross, attitudes and gestures, the bread and wine consumption, in short by respecting dogmata and tradition absolutely, just as a colonel thinks he provides the nation with security by making soldiers obey without the slightest hesitation and getting them well-drilled.
And then it turned out that an event I had never excepted came : Jesus and his Message en 1974, God and his Message in 1977. The Sign! All I had believed in went up in smoke. I had ceased to know Who God is, What God is. I found out that He was not the supreme king, judge and master of fate, but the too much loving Father (Sign 12/7), the prodigious Breath, Which is all and everywhere from my branchioles to the immeasurable infinite, the unthinkable link between Sanctity, Power and Light, the absolute Outspread one from my nails to the Whole, to Life, whose image and likeness I had been from the day of my birth. I was suddenly aware that there was not Him on high and me here below, the tiny worm (Sign 2/10), but that I was a fragment indissociable from his creative Strength, and that I mastered my destiny just as He masters His. Hence the great problem still unsolved.

I with a passion launched into the prophethood, that Jesus acting in the Name of God had asked me to take on so as to solve the great problem.
I did not take a long time to realize that the believers who followed me were much more thirsty for protection and/or mystical epic than anxious to become the co-creators of a world which was spiritually uncompleted; they were likely to fall prey to my passion and make me a venerated icon. As I was responsible for their freedom, because no one is a good penitent, as long as he or she is not absolutely free (Sign 10/10),  I turned totally humble so that I might hang over none of my brothers and sisters’ consciences and leave each of them in control of itself.
Then my brothers and sisters began really living God out, because God is not conceived by the senses, or reason, or feelings. God is Life ineffable, imperceptible though compelling, when petinence awakes It, that spreads out (Sign ii/4) without a break from the least atom in the depths of man to the infinity of the Universe. He really is beyond all that is told about Him (Quran 6/100)/
He is Life, That we have to find again (Sign 24/5).

God spread out from me to the intangible infinity of the sky where a dust hangs called stars & planets.
Photo: Rodion Kutsaiev (Unsplash)

Men of religion have invented many means to make God present. In order to fill the gap digged by Adam (Sign 2/1-5, vii/1-5) between the Creator’s Hand (31/5, 32/2, ii/2, iv/1, vii/3… mentioned 54 times) and man’s hand (mentioned about 90 times in The Sign) religions have devised among others churches, synagogues, mosques, prayers, songs, pilgrimages, fasts, so that man may conjecture the Unseen one, the great Missing one. Actually, religion brings about nothing more than a transfer of attachment, just as for instance people visit graves to mourn for father or mother or you are stirred watching Sister Blanche in “Dialogue of the Carmelites”. It was the way I as a churchman had thought I was close to God. After 1977 I found out that He was Sanctity, Light and Might (Sign 12/4), the unlocatable evanescent Totally Other, of Whom my most minute cell and the smallest bit of my mind as well as the limitless cosmos were made up. This is an existential bend difficult to negociate. You have to negociate it out of absolute humility, which alone enables you to grasp the situation clearly.
The secret of spiritual happiness: Never ask yourself questions about God. Whenever I pray, I do not know whether He listens to me, but I kow that He is within me too, in my corpuscles, my atoms, so I am sort of admitting being heard by Him, as I can hear myself.
You have to dispel ecstatic faith, whatever, from you. Ecstasy is impossible in the presence of the invisible God spread to infiniteness, the Great Unobtrusive one, the nearly Silent one, who speaks about once in a millennium.
Just get attached to God as long as you live bodily, because you are also His image and likeness (Genesis 1/26), even though He is the ideal transfiguring Life (Sign 24/5). The link between us and God is emotional, albeit He is forever escaping from us. Life and Love are invisible, but actual. Think that by night you can see the Whole which He has been forever creating, whenever you look up : On the day the sun is scattered like poppy feathers I (God) keep on running and making a thousand new suns (xxii/12).
God does not make my destiny. I make my destiny, but simultaneously I make somewhat of His Destiny.
Mysterious Nondualism!